My blog has something to tell you Rotating Header Image

English

I’m not stupid, but: how do semicolons work?

Punctuation lovers are always complaining about the decline of the semicolon. It seems to be gradually disappearing from the printed word entirely, being replaced by the comma, which serves a related but different purpose.

Sadly, the distinction between the comma and the semicolon is a really useful one for comprehending sentences correctly the first time.

The rule for when to use a semicolon is actually really straightforward; once you know it, you’ll probably never confuse it and the comma again.

Use a semicolon when you want to connect two strongly related phrases that could stand on their own as sentences.

Here’s an example I saw on the Manchester Metrolink tram the other day. When a stop is announced, an LED marquee displays something like the following:

This is an Altrincham service, the next stop will be Cornbrook.

Here a comma is used when a semicolon would be much better. Reading this sentence with a comma causes the reader to double-back and try to work out how the second part fits with the first part. A semicolon would break the sentence up properly and alert the reader to there being two separate phrases in the sentence.

This is an Altrincham service; the next stop will be Cornbrook.

The stop system gives us four “levels” of stop and, in most cases, the rules are pretty simple:

  • Comma [,]: Most of the time the comma is used to delimit non-defining clauses, like “in most cases” above. A non-defining clause is a piece of the sentence that can be removed but cannot stand on its own as a sentence. Commas are also used to separate items in a list.
  • Semicolon [;]: As above, the semicolon is used to join two phrases that could stand alone as sentences but are strongly related to one another.
  • Colon [:]: The colon does the same thing as the semicolon, except it usually ties together one phrase with an explanation of that phrase. For example, “Rich is a blogger: someone who writes pedantic articles on the web.”
  • Full stop [.]: Separates entire sentences, as I’m sure you know.

Join me in reclaiming the semicolon and making long sentences easier to read!

{lang: 'en-GB'}

My talks at Bettakultcha

Bettakultcha is a West Yorkshire phenomenon. Started by marketing genius Richard Michie and speaking expert Ivor Tymchak, it is a night of advert/sponsorship-free presentations on any subject at all, but set to a backdrop of 20 slides at 15 seconds per slide.

I’ve had the fortune to speak at three such events. I’m by no means the star of the show, ever, but I think what I have to say is worth hearing!

Bettakultcha Leeds V, 2nd November 2010

The first time I spoke was on common mistakes in the English language, and mnemonics for remembering how to fix them.

Sadly, the video for this one is forever lost, but I’ve put the slides on Slideshare.

Bettakultcha Leeds VIII, 12th April 2011

At this much larger event with an audience of about 200, I spoke on the controversial subject Why Manchester is better than Leeds (video link, slides interspersed). With tongue firmly in cheek I saved myself from the seething crowds.

Secret Bettakultcha, 9th August 2011

The latest event was held at a secret venue, and was much more low-key. Here I attempted to convey the history of the English language in five minutes (video link; slides are hard to read so are available on Slideshare).

If you’ve not heard me speak before, let me know what you think in the comments!

{lang: 'en-GB'}

“Gay” quarter

There’s a bit of buzz amongst the Leeds Twitterati about a proposal to designate a region of Leeds city centre as the “gay quarter”.

Aside from the interesting discussion about politics and about whether singling out an area in this way is a good thing, which is all very interesting, I’d like to draw attention to the proposed name itself.

Inclusive, tolerant, regions of cities in this country have historically found themselves labelled with the adjective gay, but in my opinion this is a dangerous and divisive anachronism.

The term gay, when applied to a person, refers to a specific type of marginalized sexual minority: specifically, someone who is exclusively or primarily homosexual. In modern times, the term LGBT is preferred as more inclusive, although this in itself fails to include so many people.

On top of that, most so-called “gay bars” are very welcoming of members of the cis/heterosexual majority as long as those people are welcoming back.

Sackville in central Manchester became known as the “Gay Village” in the 1980s but since the turn of the century it has gradually become simply the “Village”, which is a great way to indicate that there’s no good term that includes everyone.1 Similarly, most Pride events are now simply known as “Pride”.

If Leeds does name this part of town, let’s please choose a name that’s as inclusive as possible, instead of labelling it as purely the domain of one specific sexual orientation.

 

{lang: 'en-GB'}
  1. No, I’m not a fan of LGBTTIQQ2SA. []

“Smartphones” are not phones

I’ve recently acquired a Samsung Galaxy S II Android “smartphone”, and I couldn’t be happier with it.

All day long and wherever I am (more or less) I have unlimited access to my email, my social networks, the news, train times, price comparison, my todo list, my calendar, note-taking, shopping lists, sudoku, maps and a hundred other things that augment my life and improve my productivity.

And then once in a while some smarmy git will say to me, “well, my phone makes voice calls.”

And herein lies the problem with the language we use. Phones are supposed to make and receive voice calls, but my device is not a phone. It’s a palm-sized tablet PC with voice-calling capability.

I probably wouldn’t miss voice calls much if my device didn’t make them. I could cope for a few hours without the ability to receive calls but I’d feel awfully disconnected without access to my email. The phone capability is a great bonus, but it’s certainly not the primary reason I own this device.

Let’s stop calling them smartphones and give them a name they deserve. I vote for “robot servants”.

{lang: 'en-GB'}

Verbal after-images

As a former denizen of Manchester, it gave me a warm memory, on returning to that metropolis the other day, to hear the familiar sound:

Caution! Bollards in motion!

It got me thinking, though. Ten months away from Manchester and that phrase — not just its words but its tempo, pitch and timbre — is still etched into my brain.

In the era of recorded sound, specific repeated recorded phrases can become mnemonic cues, much like specific street scenes or smells.1

How many of these are cues for you?

Stand clear of the closing doors.

Unexpected item in bagging area!

Would Inspector Sands please come to the communication room?

Kids and grown-ups love it so; the happy world of Haribo.

First TransPennine Express apologises for the late running of this service, and for the inconvenience this may cause you.

Baggage left unattended will be removed by the security services and may be destroyed!

Your call is being held in a queue and will be answered as soon as possible.

Add your own in the comments!

 

{lang: 'en-GB'}
  1. Been to Jorvik Viking Centre? Remember the smell? Of course you do. []

Fascism, immigration and the English language

The BNP and other right-wing groups I loosely term fascist (although some may, legitimately, disagree with my use of the term) are always talking about making sure Britain stays “British”, and keeping its population “indigenous” so that our culture is not polluted by those of the immigrant nations.

Here’s a representative quote from the BNP web site1:

Immigration is out of control. Britain’s population is now over 60 million and rising, solely due to immigration. Not only is Britain increasingly overcrowded, but the fact is that a country is the product of its people and if you change the people you inevitably change the nature of the country.

We want Britain to remain – or return to – the way it has traditionally been. We accept that Britain always will have ethnic minorities and have no problem with this as long as they remain minorities and do not change nor seek to change the fundamental culture and identity of the indigenous peoples of the British Isles.

Now, without being too pedantic about the rest of this, let’s focus on the word indigenous. Wikipedia defines this well:

Indigenous peoples are ethnic groups who are native to a land or region, especially before the arrival and intrusion of a foreign and possibly dominating culture.

Well, I guess the race with the biggest claim to that is the Celts. They arrived here in the Bronze Age, around 1200 BC, and thrived throughout the Iron Age and throughout the Roman subjugation of England and Wales. They spoke a group of languages known as British, which survive in the modern forms of Irish, Scottish Gaelic, Welsh and Cornish.

However, I believe Mr Griffin is also referring to the aforementioned “foreign and possibly dominating culture”: the Anglo-Saxons. Anglo-Saxons make up by far the largest ethnic group in Britain, and indeed Mr Griffin himself is one. But they are far from indigenous to these islands. The first Anglo-Saxons arrived here in Britain in the early 5th century, as mercenaries hired by the failing Roman occupiers. In 442 AD they mutinied and eventually took the land for themselves at the turn of the 6th century.

In case you missed this: even the Romans have more of a claim to being the indigenous peoples of this island than the Anglo-Saxons!

The Word Tree at Ellis Island Museum of Immigration, showcasing words brought into American English by immigrants and natives

The Anglo-Saxons brought with them an exciting new language, called English. What is exciting about English is that it is a true language of immigrants. It has shaped itself repeatedly as it has been used in more and more parts of the world. It has taken concepts and words from virtually every culture on the Earth. English has been adopted by so many people as the language of international commerce and travel, thanks to its willingness to open up to foreign influences.

The English we speak today still has broadly the same grammar as its closest relatives, the Germanic languages, but a staggering 58% of the English lexicon is borrowed from Latin and French alone, neither of which have even made a dent in the other Germanic languages.

As an example of how quickly English allows itself to change and adapt to foreign influences, here’s the opening of Beowulf, an English-language poem written less time ago than the time between the arrival of the Celts and the arrival of the Anglo-Saxons:

Hwæt! W? G?r?Dena in ge?r?dagum
þ?od?cyninga þrym gefr?non,
h? þ? æðelingas ellen fremedon.
Oft Scyld Sc?fing sceaðena þr?atum,
monegum m?gðum meodo?setla oft?ah.
Egsode eorl, syððan ?rest wearð
f?a?sceaft funden: h? þæs fr?fre geb?d,
w?ox under wolcnum, weorð?myndum ð?h,
oð þæt him ?ghwylc þ?ra ymb?sittendra
ofer hron?r?de h?ran scolde,
gomban gyldan: þæt wæs g?d cyning!

Know what it’s on about? If you do, you beat me!

So, for fun, let’s pick languages from some ethnic groups commonly picked on by the BNP and its ilk, and have a think about how Mr Griffin and co. would get along without some of these apparently very English words:

  • Arabic: admiral, coffee, guitar, lemon, magazine, orange, sofa, zero.
  • Chinese: ketchup, silk, tea, tycoon.
  • Hebrew2: apron, cannon, cider, map, sapphire.
  • Hindi/Urdu: bungalow, jungle, pyjamas, shampoo, thug.
  • Persian/Farsi: cash, magic, peach, tiger.
  • Slavic languages: bridge (the game), robot, vampire.
  • Turkish: bugger, doodle, kiosk, yoghurt.

And, as an interesting aside, loanwords from the indigenous languages of these islands are extremely rare in our language. 3

{lang: 'en-GB'}
  1. I hesitate to link for fear of increasing their Google PageRank. []
  2. Yes, yes, I know the BNP has explicitly stated many times it’s not anti-Semitic, but many right-wing groups are! []
  3. Although it is believed that penguin comes from the Welsh for “white head”. Yes, penguins have black heads. []

I’m not stupid, but: what’s the difference between envy and jealousy?

I thought since I’m known the world over as a pedantic git and someone who has an unrelenting desire to share crateloads of useless knowledge with everyone he meets, I’d start this series on my blog that I call I’m not stupid, but…

In this series I try to explain those things that I’ve encountered that are very simple to understand but for some reason it took me some years to grasp, perhaps because no one bothered to teach me about them, in school or otherwise.

I’ll start with one of my favourites, because once you know this, you’ll see the mistake everywhere and (if you’re like me) constantly have to fight the urge to correct people. I’ve noticed, also, that many novels contain passages that highlight this difference in such a blatant way that it is almost as if the author is saying “Shit! I never knew that! I must prove to people that I know it now!”

What is the difference between envy and jealousy? It’s pretty straightforward:

  • Envy is the desire to have that which your neighbour possesses.
  • Jealousy is the fear of your neighbour taking that which you possess.

If you see your friend playing with her iPad, and you find yourself thinking “I wish I had a 10-inch Angry Birds machine!” then you are green with envy. You are coveting your neighbour’s possession.

If you get scared or panicky when someone in your workplace excels at something you are paid to do, you are jealous of that person. You fear your neighbour will take your job. In modern contexts, jealousy almost always refers to a fear of losing a romantic partner or a job to someone else, because of a perceived “betterness”.

Join me next time for another exciting installment!

{lang: 'en-GB'}